i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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