You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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