people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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