tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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