____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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