I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
pray to the hookup gods
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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