...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
