i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
