You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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