youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
