it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
