i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
