hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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