Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
