Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
