Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
