I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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