Me too!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
