She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
