garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
