I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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