I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
how does that bad decision feel?
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