I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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