Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
