I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize