the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
