I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
