if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish i was in the wii world.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
