She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
