He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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