He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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