I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
