and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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