so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I touched a dick in church today
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
