my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You are a genius and a whore.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
