Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
