I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize