He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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