a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
