i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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