Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
