Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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