quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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