if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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