chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
