She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
