This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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