Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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