i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
