Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
