I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
