I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
