you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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