I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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