physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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