I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
