So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize