Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
